Unintentional Wiener

          Okay, so stick with me on this one because I am going parable for the first time. The Wellness Center that I workout has two dressing rooms that have a mirrored layout. They are essentially L-shaped with the longest L being the section for bathroom stalls, a shower, and two sinks. If you are taking a shower, you are blocked from the view if someone enters the locker room from the short part of the L. But the lockers are clearly in view every time the doors open.

          A few weeks ago, they went and put a retractable curtain so in theory you can stand in front of the lockers dripping wet and naked and if the curtain is pulled, you cannot be seen. The facility is relatively new but I have been attending the gym for well over a year now and a few weeks ago, they finally put the curtain in. My immediate question that came to mind was: “How much unintentional wiener had to be seen before someone finally said, ‘We really need to put a curtain in there’?”

          By the way, Unintentional Weiner is totally going to be my band name if I ever get a band or musical talent or the ability to sing or play an instrument. I am calling it right now. So I have dibs. I think the “dibs” argument totally holds up in a court of law. I can imagine it now. “Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Unintentional Weiner!”

          But I digress. Sometimes, something comes along that is literally a “smack your forehead” moment where you proclaim genius and wonder why this hasn’t been done like this all along. It’s like the Christopher Nolan version of Batman or combining sea salt with caramel. You see it and you say, “Why hasn’t this been a thing from the beginning?”

          So, I rant and rave about Single Arm Linear Jammers as a wonderful way to work the front head of your shoulders. I am reading an article yesterday and this guy is performing the same maneuver but he is doing it two handed. I get excited and say, “Two handed linear jammer? Why have I not realized this is even an exercise?” It makes total sense. I often harp about how anything that can be done with a barbell can be done with dumbbells. Anything that can be done two-handed can be done single-handed. The theories are essentially the same but the results are very different. So now I am penciling in notes to attempt this exercise on my next Shoulder & Lat days.

          I used to do Upright Dumbbell Rows to work my trapezius muscles with dumbbells but I would do lifts with both hands at the same time. Now I do them one side at a time so I can really focus on pulling with that single side. Reiterating my point from yesterday, this is where you need to be constantly looking at research for ways to improve your technique, find new exercises, or see what the pros are doing because you never know what is going to spark that catalyst for improvement.

          Then once those new articles are implemented, you will wonder why you haven’t been doing it that way all along. It is not to say that the things you are doing are wrong but you want to keep dialing in your exercises and your routine to perfect your program.

          And by all means, whenever possible, avoid that unintentional wiener…

Change or Die

           I have developed many reiterations of my Furyan sets over the course of its development and I can pretty much guarantee you that I will not be performing this exact routine between the time of writing this post and the time it gets published. As I have mentioned, the human body is remarkably adaptive. You begin by “teaching” your body what you want it to do. Once it understands the basic dynamics of an Arnold Shoulder Press and you have perfected your form, this is when you will start to see dramatic gains in the amount of weight that you can lift.

           Because of this adaptability and the previously referenced Law of Diminishing Returns, you have to keep finding new and different things to work into the rotation. Even now, as I am writing this I am experimenting with Shotgun Rows to attack my lat muscles and a variation of the squat called a Landmine Squat for my quads. You have to always be on the lookout for new exercises to try.  

           Some exercises, like the One-Armed Linear Jammer, look freaking intimidating on paper but once you execute them, you realize they are really fun and explosive to do. Now, it is the first thing I do in my Shoulder & Lat day but when I started, it wasn’t even in my arsenal.

           You might look at a Hanging Leg Raise and scoff. Trust me, you will get there eventually. So you have to keep looking for new and exciting things to do. My splits and my antagonistic sets are probably never going to change because I feel it is a very solid philosophy. But don’t let the list that I have provided be your sole set of exercises.

           Be constantly expanding in your quest of fitness health. Find exercises that you really like and then build a program around them. Maybe you have health issues or medical problems that are going to limit what exercises you can perform. That is absolutely fine. Adapt. And this is where it is very nice to have access to a personal trainer that can help you design a program around such medical limitations.

           There is also nothing wrong with doing some research and experimenting. Give something a try. You never know what may fire your imagination. Let me stress this as well. Have FUN! The more fun you have, the more likely you are to keep this up.

           When I first was getting started, squats were murder and deadlifts literally made me want to puke afterwards. As a result I dreaded leg day. This is where you have to experiment with weight and reps. Before I understood hypertrophy, I was doing squats at a lower weight for 12 reps. And I thought that was the way to go with deadlifts as well.

           Then I changed my thinking. Why keep muscle under tension for such a tremendous amount of time, when it was an exercise that I hated? Instead, I thought, Let’s just pack the weight on and get in and out as fast as possible. I started doing sets of 5. I started to see real legitimate gains and suddenly getting to 8 reps was not nearly as torturous. Now, I can do sets of 10 and not feel like vomiting.

           You have to be constantly adapting and changing because your body is going to adapt and you will start seeing diminishing returns. Just remember, if you want to increase your bench press, you don’t just do bench press. You do a variety of chest muscles that will stimulate growth and strength. So, keep things changing to see more improvement. 

The Gear You Need: The Weight Belt

           A weight belt is something that you are going to want to have. If you are smart, you won’t be lifting massively heavy weights to begin but you are going to want that belt sooner than later. The old myth is that belts help prevent hernias and prolapsing your rectum, which is pretty darn scary sounding but I cannot validate that claim. I am not a doctor. I just play one on TV and in this blog. Basically, a belt keeps your body synched in, giving your abs something to press against and it stabilizes your back muscles while under heavy loads. If you are squatting the bar, I doubt a belt is necessary. When you start squatting 200+ pounds, you are going to want one.

           I only wear a belt when engaging my core under heavy weight, which for my regiment is squatting and deadlift. I think a good rule of thumb is that if you have to holding your breath to lift the weight, strap that belt on, buddy. Obviously, exercise like the bench press and military press do not engage your abs and core, so wearing a belt during those exercises is pretty pointless.

           They are not expensive. Some gyms have several available or you can pick one up in the sporting goods section of Walmart. I view a belt much in the same way as I view a condom. It is better to wear it and not need it, than to need it and not have it. You may not be deadlifting enough weight to need it but why take that chance? If strapping it on keeps you safe, why not wear one? 

           And here is a pretty comprehensive article if you need to read one over at bodybuilding.com.

 

          Bonus Entry: The Gear You Need

          Time for another great song to put in your MP3 player. I love listening to original music scores from movies when I write because there are no distracting lyrics. Yet, these tracks of raw emotion can be equally beneficial towards getting you pumped in the gym.

           I have been pretty vocal about my love for MAD MAX: FURY ROAD. I am calling it the best movie of 2015 that I have seen thus far and a major contributor to that is the film’s original music score by Tom Holkenborg (also known as Junkie XL). The score for FURY ROAD is very industrial, angry, filled with epic percussion, and has a heroic theme that is one for the ages. This is one that I don’t just “not fast forward” through. It is going to get rewound probably at least once.

          There are the original recordings, which are excellent but there is also a massive 9:00 extended version that will keep you going through at least a couple of circuits if you are limiting your rests. "WITNESS ME!!!"

 

 

1-Rep Max Calculations

           I work out alone. This is partly because of a personal choice and partly because I don’t have any friends and I just want desperately for people to love me. Hence, this blog.

           Okay, seriously, having a training partner would be awesome but finding someone that you can rely on, match schedules with, and is within your lifting range is pretty darn hard to find. When I train, I always have my headphones on so I am pretty solitary. I don’t engage in a lot of idle chitchat. I am not antisocial but I am there to work. Plus, I’ve got dinner to prepare, laundry to do, and I want to watch a Netflix episode with my son. Time is limited. This solo workout style is not conducive for maximum lifts because what if you are on the bench press lifting free weights and you cannot get that last lift? Are you just going to roll to the side and dump the bar? How embarrassing is that?

           The gym can be effing intimidating and most people are afraid to stand out by making a mistake or a blunder. I know one guy that just loves to post all these “gym fail” videos on his Facebook page and these things piss me off because a good guy would offer words of encouragement to someone struggling. But that might be a segment for another time. Chances are if you are new to the whole lifting regiment, the last thing you want to do is struggle publically and, if you are working out alone, working out with very heavy weight can be pretty dangerous.

           You want to be working hard to achieve your lifts. On average, you want to be lifting 75% of your 1 Rep Max (the most you can lift with a single rep). “But Ryan, you train alone. How do you determine your 1 Rep Max?” Excellent question and I am glad you are paying attention. This is where we are going to approach the problem a bit “bass ackward.” 

           Bodybuilding.com does feature a pretty neat tool called their 1 Rep Max Calculator. You can find it here. It is pretty scientifically accurate where you punch in how many reps you performed at a certain weight and it calculates your 1 Rep Max. Obviously, there is going to be a little play there in the accuracy per person but the trick is to take your body to failure.

           If you go until you cannot lift anymore, those accurate reps should be a pretty close approximation of how much you can actually lift in a 1 Rep Max scenario. This is easier to record on something like a Dumbbell Hammer Curl because you can literally curl until you cannot go anymore and when your arms are done, they are done. On something that is a little more difficult (like a Trap Bar Deadlift or a Barbell Squat), you might have one more rep in you without realizing it because you have psyched yourself out mentally, believing that you are done without really going to failure.

           So, how do I know I am training at 75% of my 1 Rep Max? It goes back to my theory of 8 reps clean (with a goal of 10). If I can get 12 reps, then on my next set, I increase the weight by 5 pounds. Trust me, if you are doing this right and really giving it all you have, that 5 lb. increase should chop your reps from 12 to 10 or maybe even 8.

           This is where tracking your workout becomes so important because you don’t want to backslide and pick up a 35 lb. dumbbell just because you are tired when you picked up a 40 lb. dumbbell for the same exercise last week. There is nothing wrong with regression to really focus on your form but you want to work as hard as you can too.

Motivation Monday

Giving Voice to the Demon

           So I noticed something odd the other day and Friday seems like as good a day to comment on it as any. I cannot recall specifically but it was a story detailed in either Schwarzenegger’s book THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF BODYBUILDING or his autobiography TOTAL RECALL. In the story he was talking about how a reporter commented how Arnold was always smiling when he was in the gym. He was always exuberant and happy. Arnold explained this joy came from the knowledge that all the hard work he was putting in was transforming him into something better.

           Now, when I am in the gym, I am wearing my headphones 99% of the time. I listen to music that pumps me up and it brings a certain focus and intensity to my countenance, I am sure. There is also a bursting levels of testosterone that comes with heavy lifting and I do find myself making certain “angry faces” when lifting heavy. This is not to say that I am mad. It is just the natural physiological response that comes from your body firing on all cylinders and this flood on natural chemicals would put a woman’s pelvic bones as risk if approached immediately after said workouts.

           When my workout is done and the headphones come off, I consider myself to be a happy person. I joke with the employees (who now know me by name). I give thumbs up to others working hard. And I will smile and laugh with the best of them. And when my routines are done, I do spend a few moments flexing in the mirror. I feel a person should admire the results of this hard work. That is where the smiles come in earnest.

           So, with all that being said, I think it is safe to assume that I enjoy my time lifting weights. I really do. It has become my routine now. I enjoy seeing gains. I like seeing the separation between the muscles in my arms and legs and seeing muscles emerge that were not there before. I still have a long way to go but my limbs don’t just look like tubes of hanging sausage anymore.  I take great pride and satisfaction in that. I do believe that is the attitude of a champion.

           Now, let’s look at the flip side of the coin. We all know that person. They are working hard. They are putting in the effort. For that they should be applauded. But they are complainers. They whine about how much an exercise hurts. They are vocal about the exercises that they dislike. They comment how much they hate this exercise or that exercise. They are too focused on the immediate pain and not the rewards that they are striving to attain for “bikini season” or whatever event.

           There is probably a moment in every coach’s career where they ask their athletes if they are having fun and if they are not having fun then they should quit. This is typically after your eighth wind sprint and you feel like your lungs are about to explode. Here is a hint. In that moment, everyone wants to quit. But you push on because you know all those wind sprints will give you victory in the fourth quarter when your opponent is out of gas. You don’t mind the pain now because you know it will give you an advantage later on.

           Like the great ones say – and this is true – no pain, no gain. You have to find a way to enjoy all that hard work knowing what is waiting for you on the other side. Everyone is miserable in the moments of lifting all those heavy weights but the rush of endorphins that you get from getting one more pull up than the week before or setting a personal record on the Bench Press is what you push through that pain to achieve.

           So what good does it do to complain in the moment? You are miserable doing burpees? Everyone is miserable doing squats. Being vocal about it gives a voice to that demon. Now, maybe the complainers are just naturally negative. That could be the case. Those people are out there. But I think you have to enjoy what you are doing. If not, where do you draw your motivation to continue?

           If I am placing a wager on which person will turn fitness or bodybuilding into a lifestyle, I am betting on the guy who is smiling as he is walking out of the gym over the person that is vocally whining about how much they hate Exercise X or Exercise Y.

           Is it going to be painful? If it is not painful, you aren’t going hard enough. But can you embrace the pain? Can you maintain your morale knowing that the pain is molding into something better? Can you stay focused on what you are going to become? Can you focus on why you are doing this in the first place? If you can answer yes to those question, congratulations. You just made it to the next level.

           And if you can apply that happiness level to aspects outside of the gym… you might just be on your way.

No One Cares

           A while back, I was at the gym doing my thing and a newbie gym goer asked me for advice on how to perform an exercise. (He wanted me to show him how to do a Dumbbell Shoulder Press and then I also showed him the Dumbbell Arnold Press variation as an alternative.) He was a young kid, probably in high school, who was there at the Wellness Center with his mother.

           Now, first of all, the kid was there which means he had taken a greater step than half the people that want to get in shape. Just showing up is half the battle. So he was asking me how to perform a shoulder press and I gave him a brief tutorial. He picked up 25-pound dumbbells and began to attempt a press. His arms were shaky and his form was poor. So I switched him out to 15-pound dumbbells. I was adamant about proper form being the right building block. You perfect your form and then the weight will come. Here were some of the inherent flaws.

           1) Never Lift to Impress. I am starting to get comfortable in my own skin and I like how my arms are developing. I have not (nor will I ever) refer to my arms as a “gun show” but I do feel that they are coming along. Here is a 150-pound kid who probably has minimal lifting experience. He was humble enough to come and ask for help. [If you don’t ask, you will never learn!] But I think he didn’t want to appear as a “girlie man” so he lifted a weight that was far too heavy. You could tell because of the way his arms were shaking and his horrible form. I am telling you people, poor form gets you hurt!

           By dropping the weight, he was better able to control the weight and focus on his form instead of focusing on solely lifting the weight. So when you see that pretty girl in the yoga pants, don’t go lifting weight that you cannot lift thinking you will impress her. It won’t end well.

           2) Worry About You. While there are always going to be lunkheads gym-ratting about, I would say that 90% of the gym goers are not paying attention to how much weight you are lifting. If you are executing to the maximum of your ability and executing flawless form, that is much more impressive than lifting an astonishing amount of weight while blowing a gasket and cheating to get your reps. No one is paying attention to how much iron you are pumping so never feel bad about regressing with weight to achieve better form.

           3) Muscle Memory. Any time that I incorporate a new exercise into my routine, I just anticipate being sore the next day. It is incredibly important to attack your muscles from multiple angles by using different techniques. So if you have never performed an Arnold Press, you first have to teach your body, “Okay, Body, this is the exercise I want to perform.” It may take several sessions for your body to start putting 2 and 2 together. But once it understands what you are attempting, your muscles will “remember” what you are trying to achieve. And once that happens, you can then start progressing with strength gains.

 

           So now if we start putting all three of the elements together, you will start to see a recurring theme. It is not you versus other lifters in the gym. The only person you have to better than is the person you were yesterday. Do not concern yourself with what other people are lifting or how much weight they are doing because serious (or should I say considerate) lifters are not paying attention to what you are doing. They are focused too much on their own program and their own concerns.

           Now, by all means, I am not telling you to use this as an excuse not to push hard. Sometimes we do need a spark to reach the maximum of our potential and break through barriers. But if you are listening to your body and going to the maximum of your ability, everything is going to be fine. Just do you. Just worry about you.

           And if “haters” are gonna hate, just remember what the 21^st century philosopher Childish Gambino once said, “Don’t be mad ‘cause I’m doing me better than you doing you.”