“It is a sore
thing to have labored along and scaled the arduous hilltops, and when all is
done, find humanity indifferent to your achievement.”
--Robert Louis Stevenson
The harsh
reality is… no one cares. No one cares about your fitness journey. No one cares
about how much weight you’ve lost. No one cares if you’ve shattered a personal
record yesterday. As you continue down your road of self-improvement, it is
human nature to share your accomplishments. You managed to run that mile, master
that exercise, or conquer that fear. You think, “This is something to be proud
of! I am becoming a better me!” We go to our favorite social media outlets for
validation of our progress. You get some likes and some words of encouragement.
But secretly, people hate you for your success. It doesn’t mean that all your
friends are jerks. Again, it is basic human nature.
Psychologists
will explain that a person’s success holds up a mirror to the other person and
reminds them of what they could be if they walked the same path. It reminds
them of how they have come up short. And people hate to be reminded of their
failures.
But the other
extreme can be equally demoralizing. Case in point, there is this guy I
graduated high school with. On a Facebook video, I watched him bench press 400
pounds. That is more than I can squat! There is always going to be someone out
there that is stronger than you, smarter than you, richer than you, faster than
you, better looking than you, funnier than you… There are going to be people
that you will try to measure up with and you will never be good enough.
When you see
someone bench 400 pounds, you don’t ask things like: How long have you been
training? Is he in the gym twice a week or twice a day? There are all sorts of
factors that you will never know. We don’t see the failures, the injuries, the
setbacks, the research, or the techniques that didn’t work out… We just see the
highlight reel.
Reading this right
now, you might feel a little down in the dumps. “So, Ryan, you are telling me
that no one cares if I lose weight, secretly they hate me for it, and there is
always going to be someone out there better and stronger than me?” Yep, pretty
much.
“So why even do
it?” Well, my friend, you do it because it is the right thing to do.
I’ve said openly
on here I want to look good naked but I am the only one that sees me naked. Sure,
I want to be ready if my relationship with Katy Perry takes off but for some
reason that hasn’t happened yet. Part of me thinks that I should compile all
these essays into a book and publish it… but no one will ever read it. I see
the analytics on how many “page views” this blog gets. (Hi, both of you!) If no
one will read it, if it doesn’t sell, if my improvement is not recognized, and
if no one cares, why do it? Why waste my time? Why even train in the first
place?
The answer?
Because it makes me happy. Because it is the right thing to do.
I lift weights
to make me healthy, so I can feel good about myself. I don’t lift weights to
impress the ladies. If that happens to occur, that is just icing on the cake.
But if that is your sole reason, when you figure out the ladies don’t care or
you see that guy bench pressing twice what you are capable of, your motivation
wanes. If you are doing it to impress your significant other, when the breakup
occurs you won’t do it anymore. It is the same thing with motivation. Anyone
can work hard when the gym is full. Can you work hard when the gym is empty?
When there are no eyes on you, when there are no accolades, no nods of
approval, can you go just as hard or harder?
I lift weights it
because it is turning me into a weapon. Granted, I am a sword that will never
be pulled from its sheath but it doesn’t matter. I hated who I was before. I
like who I am becoming. I enjoy the research. I enjoy seeing what this process
is sculpting me in to (regardless of how slow). And if people don’t care or
don’t like me, it doesn’t bother me because I am the only person that I am on
this journey with. Friends move, marriages divorce, parents die, kids get old.
I am the only one in this life with me until the very end. So if you are your
only co-pilot, you better like who that person is. Life is sweeter that way.
And if it is the
right thing to do, you do it. Praise or no praise, you do it because all that
hard work is making you a better person. And that is its own reward.
“It’s far better
when doing good work is sufficient. In other words, the less attached we are to
outcomes the better. When fulfilling our own standards is what fills us with
pride and self-respect. When the effort—not the results, good or bad—is
enough.”
–Ryan Holiday, Ego Is the Enemy
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