Here a while
back, you may have seen the trend on social media involving the “Love Your
Spouse” challenge where you are supposed to post pictures of your spouse to
show how much you love them. I read an article on how one person refused to
take part in the challenge because it is a glorification of the “highlight
reel.”
Let’s think
about selfies for a moment. How many do you take and swipe through before you
find that perfect one? Do you flip through them saying, “Ugg, my eyes are
droopy in this one. Don’t like my smile in that one. Well, I guess in this one
I don’t look as fat…” You can then go through and do color corrections and
apply filters and do all this stuff to make that picture look amazing. And then
you post the selfie and wait for the “Likes” to start rolling in. I am not
going to say that it is fake but it’s not exactly 100% real either. It’s a
highlight reel.
Me at 243 pounds |
I am not pointing fingers here because I do the same
thing. Here, just to show I am not blowing smoke… This is one of my most recent
“gym selfies.” I use an old boudoir photography trick. My hips are always
turned 45-degrees away from the camera with my front leg bent slightly and then
I twist so that my shoulders are squarely facing the camera. This slims and
tapers the waist. Go ahead, try it in the mirror, you will see what I am
talking about.
Don’t get me started on the “Facebook Fishers.” We
all know that person. They throw out vague statements with no explanation just
so they can get all those “keep your head up, girl” comments to validate their
self-worth.
I feel life
is one big balancing act. It is a razor’s edge that we have to walk. You cannot
love yourself so much that you become egomaniacal but you cannot hate yourself
so much that you sink into hopelessness. You don’t want to be a braggadocio but
you cannot be all “I am such a worthless peon” either. Remember, confidence is
one of the sexiest things on the planet.
Now, just so I am not a highlight reel hypocrite,
allow me now to shine a light so you can see my imperfections. Over two years
ago, I started FURYAN STRENGTH. If you haven’t read through this whole thing,
the name is derived from Vin Diesel’s RIDDICK film series where Furyans are some
of the baddest mammer-jammers in the galaxy. I had no idea what I was doing and
I built this program from the ground up through research, study, and good old
fashioned trial and error.
I had very specific goals when I started. I had found
my “why.” The truth is I hated my physical appearance. I was tired of being
overweight. I told myself that I wanted to cut a striking figure when I walked
my little girl down the aisle. I wanted to be physically attractive. Women can
say all they want about how they want a guy that makes them laugh but I’ve
never heard women swoon over the latest Adam Sandler movie trailer but let a
sequel for MAGIC MIKE get announced…
Through this, I’ve dropped weights, injured my ankle,
smashed fingers, been on the verge of vomiting, and even shed an occasional
tear. Not kidding about that last one. I’ve consulted trainers, spent countless
hours on websites, and I even weigh my food. But this struggle has made me a
better person. I have had people tell me that I am doing a
great job and I am thankful but ego is the enemy.
In all of my
training, I have made it a dedicated task to stay humble. I still see all my
flaws, probably more than any other person ever would. I know this because here
a while back I was basically felt up and molested by an aggressive woman and
rather than feel my head inflate with pride as she was squeezing my muscles, I
was embarrassed for the praise…
I am not
where I want to be yet and the only way I can get there is through hard work.
There is no magic pill, no special drink, no shortcuts. I have to clang and
bang and sweat and curse and cry. You have to hate to elevate.
But in doing so, it also makes me a modest teacher.
I’ve given my program to several people when they asked me. It is this blog you
are reading here. And just last week, I was answering a question for a trio of
ladies picking up weights for the first time. I was happy to help because I
wish I had a mentor to guide me at that phase. (Did you know how to target the
three different delts for nice rounded shoulders?) They told me, “Maybe if we
keep this up, we will get to look like you.” I responded so quickly, it was
just instinct, “You all need to elevate your standards.”
Humility. Humility in the face of praise. Humility
makes you bust your ass. You have to believe that you are good enough. You have
to believe that you CAN do it. But once you start believing that you have
achieved it and that you are great, you’ve lost. You lose that hunger. Your
aspiration dips. You start believing your own hype. I seem to recall a certain
movie title ROCKY III that was built around this entire concept. The antidote
for this poison is iron.
Iron is the
great equalizer. Iron doesn’t give a shit about your pride. Iron doesn’t give a
shit about your hype. Iron doesn’t give a shit about your ego. 200 pounds is
200 pounds. Lift it or don’t. Iron will humble you faster than anything and
despite how far you have come, it will remind you how far you have to go.
And when your
resolve is wavering, remember this. Materiam
superabat opus. The workmanship was better than the material. Imagine a martial arts master that has climbed
the ranks. The more he learns the more he realizes how deadly he truly is, so
the more he learns the less apt he is to use what he knows because he knows how
bad he can mess someone up.
All that hard
work you put in will transforms you and not just physically. If you stay humble
and stay hungry, you become a teacher. You will be supportive of the novice
that is nervous walking into the gym for the first time. You will become
inspiration for those that are struggling, offering praise and encouragement.
But if you let your ego run unchecked and start believing your own hype, you
become that arrogant guy strutting about in a barely there tank top. Free
advice, kids. No one likes that guy.
Now take this
lesson and apply to aspects in your life: job, family relationships, whatever.
Ego is your enemy. You’ve still got a lot to learn. Stay humble in all things.
Now, go forth and do likewise.
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